Cheese N' Pickle Sandwich

Friday, February 17, 2012

Is This Why I Don't Sew?

Lucas and I were just discussing a chair that we will be acquiring.
Lucas: It's all covered in cat hair, so we'll need to clean it.
Me: It's actually covered in tiny cat scratches.
Lucas: Why don't we get sewing stuff and sew it up?
Me: Because it's a large leather chair covered with tiny cat scratches. That's not your typical mending project.
Lucas: Oh. But you can sew paper. And napkins. And human skin.
Me: WHAT?!
I was stunned! I suddenly heard "Goodbye Horses" in the distance and requests to "put the lotion in the basket."
Lucas: You know, when you have to go to the doctor and they loop up your cuts with a needle and string.
REALLY?! What's wrong with me? Stitches are the obvious conclusion, but I go straight to the serial killer?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Me: Good morning, Sweetie!
Lucas: Good morning, Mama. He was cuddled up on the couch under the family's treasured Sherpa blanket. I sat down next to him, lightly put my hand on his chest, leaned over, and kissed him all over his face.
Me: Baby, you’re cold!
Lucas: No, I’m not. I don’t even feel anything.
Me: Your skin feels cold. It's winter. Shirts are your friend. You should try them once in awhile.
Lucas: I'm fine. It's probably because I’m almost eight and my blood is starting to turn cold.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Herxheimer

I’m trying to do a light system detox. Not too sure where I went wrong. If you were to ask my throat and tummy, they would tell you that I shouldn’t have eaten that gerbil that was covered in honey, flour, and alum powder then wrapped in barbed wire and deep fried. Seriously, it’s painful. Maybe it was the piles of candy for lunch or intentionally ignoring food labels. There has been too much rice in my diet, that’s for sure. Whatever it was, it’s my own doing and I need to clean up. The first few days are always the hardest. The cravings are maddening. I’m currently fluctuating between wanting roasted veggies, cookies, salami, hot lemon water, pesto tortellini, and liquid plumber. Thankfully, each time I detox, the Herxheimer Response (Candida die off symptoms) is less severe. I’m starting day 3 so it should get easier. More on Candida later.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Collaging in a Brave New World

This is fun. Sometimes useful. Often pointless. Always entertaining.

Drop Dead Eric

Around 6:00 this morning, I was curled up on the couch writing. Lucas came out from the bathroom and sat next to me. I could tell that he had something on his mind.

Lucas: Do you want me to tell you a story?
Me: Of course, I love stories!
Lucas: There once was this boy named Eric. He was eating lunch and heard himself chew. He thought, “Is my tongue attached to my ears?” Then some bullies gave him a wet willy and a tongue grew out of each ear. Then he had to live his life as some guy with ear tongues.

A few hours later, I was thinking about ear tongues and Eric. Eric felt familiar.

Me: Do you have any more stories about Eric?
Lucas: Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to check my dictionary.
Me: You have a dictionary?
Lucas: Yeah, it’s a story dictionary. I jump into it and ask Eric if he has any stories to share. Then I jump back—“
Me: Wait! ERIC?! Is this the same Eric that you introduced me to the other day?
Lucas (with a pleased smile): Yes, Mom. He isn’t imaginary.

Over this last weekend, I walked into the family room and Lucas happily shouted, “Mama! Hug!” he threw his arms around me for a big ol’ squeeze. It’s always nice to be greeted like that.
During the warmy warm hug, his attention turned towards the hallway.

Me: What are you looking at, Bud?
Lucas: That.
Me: What?

Lucas: That.
Me: What?! The couch? The door? The paintings?
Lucas: No. That guy.
Me: What guy?
Lucas: That guy over there. Eric.
Me: Oh? Is he a ghost? (Always a concern of mine with Lucas)

Lucas: No, he is my imaginary friend. (He cracked a little smile and I could tell that he was putting me on)
Me: Oh, I see. Alright then, tell him to pick up after himself if he plans on staying awhile.

But today he was very serious and he felt the need to take Eric’s imaginary status away.
I really do like the Ear Tongue story. I’d like to hear more. Would I be encouraging something that I’ll eventually want to get rid of? Is 7 ¾ years old too old for an imaginary friend to develop? Or is this some sort of intentional creative front?

Monday, January 30, 2012

My sandwich is all old and moldy.

I need to figure out what to do with this blog. I don't even eat sandwiches anymore. That's actually irrelevant to the title of the blog. What's the meaning behind the title? That's a secret. Not telling. Mostly because it would embarrass the crap out of my kids. Just know that the meaning contains a special kind of syrupy sweetness that only exists inside the Andrews Abode.

So until I figure out what to do with this: Here we are, almost four and half years later.