Unfortunately, since signing up, Lucas had
been sick more than he’d been healthy. The last two weeks before the show he
had flu. It was only the night before the show that he stopped spontaneously
falling asleep at daycare and the moment he hit the couch at home. The
first few weeks he and Mike were able to push through the coughs and sniffles
to work on a routine. Mike edited a few of Luc’s favorite songs together and
they were watching Beat Street for inspiration. It really was cute. They went
to the first rehearsal together. All of the kids in the show, along with the parents
working on the show, loved Luc’s routine and song selections. Mike said that
the kids freaked
out when he started
dancing to Party Rock by LMFAO. Luc loved the cheering and applause. He looked
forward to every rehearsal and was very excited about the performance.
Then once the flu settled in, he was down for the count. He had no energy
to practice at home and missed several rehearsals. Yet he didn’t seem
worried at all, until the evening of the Talent Show.
Since there would be little time between
Mike and I getting home from work and the show starting, I brought home Pho for
the family. I knew this might not be the best idea for Lucas. Who wants sloshy
soup tummy before they dance? But I figured he could eat a little beforehand
and finish the rest after the show.
When I got home he was laying slightly
frozen on the couch complaining of a tummy ache. I asked him if he was nervous
about the show. He insisted that he wasn’t and told me that he might not be
able to eat the soup because he had too many snacks. Snacks never interfere
with his meals. He eats until he pops, when he is healthy. He ran off to the
bathroom to rid himself of snacks. He came back out holding his belly and
looking miserable. I asked him what all he ate. Looking ashamed he informed me
that he had baby heirloom tomatoes, pickles, and two pudding cups. YUK! After I
thought for a moment, it occurred to me that he eats when he is bored; why
wouldn’t he eat a bunch of weird junk when he is nervous? I didn’t reprimand
him, since he was already suffering.
For the next hour and half a cycle of
misery on the couch, misery at a bowl of Pho, and misery on the toilet played
out. During this time he seemed so distant and worried. I explained to him that
it was fine to be nervous and I would love to help him through it but I needed
him to be honest about what was going on, so that I could help him properly.
With a little resignation he said, “Fine, you want to know what else I had to
eat? I drank some chocolate syrup out of the bottle. It was a really bad
idea.” Dear god! That is just gross. Again, I didn’t say much about it. I
agreed with him that it was a bad idea. I also told him that he needed some
perspective, “If it truly was the snacks you ate and not your nerves, then you
need to tell yourself that you have pooped 4 times in the last hour and there
is nothing left in your belly that is bad. If you get up on stage and your
tummy starts to bother you, tell yourself that you have already used the
bathroom plenty and in 2 minutes you’ll be off the stage and can go to the
bathroom if you still feel bad. Just 2 minutes Buddy.” He listened and said
comforting things in return to make me feel like I was helping. It was sweet
that he was thinking of me. I knew that wasn't helping him much.
Then Mike got home. Dad, the B-boy
catalyst, was trying to get Lucas hyped up for the show while he was reheating
his own dinner. Lucas became very wide eyed and started doing what I can only
describe as Lamaze breathing.
Oh, my little sweetheart. By the time he
was one year old, I had taught him to use deep breathing techniques to calm
himself down. At that early age I could tell that he was very quick tempered.
Whether it’s caused by anger, pain, frustration or sadness, I have never had
any desire to compete with people’s irrational emotions. Yes, I know, he was
just a baby. Is there a better time to teach your tiny beautiful human how not
to be an asshat? You can’t wait too long or you’ll miss the boat. Don’t worry;
he always gets plenty of Mama’s love and affection. But his ability to calm
himself down really helped teach him that he is in control of his own emotions.
Once he was calm, we could talk out whatever he might be upset about, or kiss the boo
boos & check for broken bones.
But this wide eyed Lamaze breathing was different.
This was stemming from pure nervousness. I had never seen it in him. I’ve seen
him embarrassed a few times, but never nervous. “Yeah, maybe I am a
little nervous.” Mike and I both swooped in to calm him down. Mike
quickly went over the routine with him, in the most light-hearted-it-aint-no-thang
sort of way. I reminded him that he had performed for all of these kids several
times and they loved it. The only difference about that nights performance was
that their parents would be there watching; who cares about a bunch of stinky
adults? I also reminded him that Daddy gets a little nervous before every Poor
Man’s War show. It’s perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. The
crazy breathing calmed a bit and Lucas was smiling again. I kissed the top of
his head and left to find his shirt.
When I got back with the shirt I saw that
the Lamaze breather was back. I knelt down in front of him so that I was at his
eye level. I got the shirt ready to go over his head and while putting it on I
softly said, “You will be just fine. You have star power. And Dad and I will be
there cheering you on. You really have nothing to worry about.” The Lamaze
breathing stopped completely. He quietly said, more to himself than to me,
“Man, you know how to find everything inside of me.” I smiled and got a little
teary. “What does that mean?” He leaned
in close so that only I could hear, “It’s both of you. Dad inspires me to try things and you always
say the right words to keep me going.” I was stunned! That
was positively GOLDEN! I swear sometimes I don’t know how I
got so lucky.
The show was entertaining but lengthy. Lucas
was scheduled to go on in the middle of 30 other acts. A few of the performances were
very good. Sadly, it was only during the very good bits that the microphones
shorted out. I was thankful that Lucas was dancing and did not require a mic.
He confirmed after the show that nerves did
get the better of him before he went on.
He ended up abandoning almost his entire routine. But he freestyled it
and wholeheartedly did his best not to overdo it with the splits and his
favorite flips. Considering, that he had been sick for a month and was dealing
with hefty preshow jitters, I’d say he rocked it.
When we got him home, he was glowing and
bubbling over with so much confidence that when Max asked him if he had been
nervous, he acted shocked and appalled. Then he dove right into his bowl of Pho
and considered what a relief it was not have to worry about the show any
longer. “Now I don’t have to think about
what I’m going to wear, or when I have to be at rehearsal. I can just relax.”
Who knew? I didn’t realize it was weighing on his mind that much. I should have
though. He is my son and always needs to have every detail of his day repeated
to him until he has it memorized. I asked him if he would be in the talent show
next year, and he quickly responded, “NO! And I’m not dancing for a while. Like
a couple of months.”
A couple of months came to an end last
night, only 13 days later, at the skating rink. It was the end of the night; he
was drenched in sweat, overly exhausted, and had just been sobbing because he
couldn’t “see his shoelaces”. The main
lights went out and the disco lights came on with Party Rock. He was up on his
feet instantly; the whole time checking to see if the people nearby were
enjoying the show.
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